You want me to do what?

As my quest of a hot mess has progressed and continued on for several weeks now, I am finding that I am becoming stronger and stronger. But there are still times when I look at the work out of the day that is expected of me and say to myself (and sometimes to my trainer), "you want me to do what? I'm sorry, but have you forgotten who you are dealing with? Me? WHAT?"

I had that same sort of feeling today. When I checked my crossfit trainer's blog for what I will be doing tomorrow, I saw that the workout has been named, Angie." Now I don't know who Angie is or why in the world this workout is named after her, but I am certain that I don't want to know. The work out is 100 pullups, 100 pushups, 100 situps, and 100 air squats...all for time. I laugh to myself thinking, "How long will this take me?"

But, what I have to remind myself of, is that when I began, I could hardly do 10 burpees without dying...I could only jump on a 12 inch tire and barely make that...I did pushups on my knees...I was no weight lifter by any stretch of the imagination...and I certainly had not done a handstand since I was a teenager.

Now, a mere 8-9 weeks later, I have done 50 burpees when required...I jump on a 20" box...I do full body pushups (for most workouts)...I max out at a 190 lb deadlift...I can front squat 115 lbs...AND for an added bonus, I can do a workout requiring handstands!!!

I say all this...not to blow the bugle in honor of my accomplishment...but to remind us all that it doesn't matter where you begin. I doesn't matter how "strong" or "weak" your perception of your strength is when you begin. It doesn't matter how much you weigh or how much weight you think you need to lose when you begin. The only thing that matters is that YOU BEGIN!

Beginning is the hardest part!! Changing yourself, changing your schedule, re-prioritizing, making time for your health, taking time to do the work to live longer and have a better quality of life...none of these is easy, but take it from me...IT'S WORTH IT. It is worth every bead of sweat.

I have so far to go and my quest will go on and on. But, it's my quest and it is continuing and will continue! How is your quest? My words for today...BEGIN!

DON'T give up!

There have been times in my life that I have begun this quest for health and strength. In every instance, every single time, without exception, I have come to question my choices to change. Thoughts and questions come to mind..."this is too hard!" "I am sick and tired of this!" "Is this really going to be for the rest of my life?" "No one understands how I feel." I need some chocolate!"

What makes these questions different for me now than before is that my goals are different. Before the goal had been just to get skinny, not to get healthy. The goal had been to get into those skinny jeans instead of setting an example of health for my kids. The silent voices in my head telling me to quit are still there, but there is another voice...a louder voice...saying, "You can't quit now! You have a new life, a new lifestyle, a new way of living."

As I was pondering these thoughts of quitting, I was reminded of Jesus and how He, too, wanted to quit. When He knew the cross was closer than ever, that sooner than later He would lose His life in the most excruciating way, He said, "if there is any other way...let this cup pass from me." However, in His clarity, with me and all of humanity in mind, He then said, "but not My will but Your will be done."

I am by no means comparing myself to Jesus or comparing my struggle for health to be in any way equal to His sacrifice on the cross. But, what I am saying is that it is refreshing for me and gives me great encouragement to know that in great PAIN and sacrifice there is great VICTORY.

So, I am going to take my cue from the dearest friend I have and not quit and not give up. The rewards far outweigh the cost. My health not only brings joy and strength to me...but to my husband and my children, my family and my friends.

Here's to us and here's to health! Life is worth living!! Go and be strong!

Strong in Mind

I have to admit, from time to time, I have been known to be a reality show junkie. I know those of you that know me well are saying, "FROM TIME TO TIME?!" Okay...I love reality television. I love Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, Top Chef, etc. etc. etc. There is something about the human experience...the vulnerability and rawness of people pushing themselves and putting themselves out there without inhibition. I have watched Biggest Loser every season since the show began. Every year I watch and wonder WHY IN THE WORLD do these people CRY over a work out? REALLY? You are running, doing pushups, lifting weights...and CRYING? Seriously?

WELL...my criticism of those tear filled folks on their own personal quest got kicked to the curb today. I went to workout with my wonderful crossfit instructor Roger King. I arrive, look up at the workout board, to see what our work out of the day (WOD) would be. As I warmed up and began learning what would be expected of me for the next 40 minutes or so, I was inspired...confident. I felt strong...after all, I have been at this quest for 3 weeks now...today starts my fourth week...I am a beast!! It consisted of 10 man makers (go to crossfit.com and see that little piece of evil, ha), 45 walking lunges with 60 pushups, 20 knee ups hanging from a pull up bar, and then conclude the round with running. Then he says, "I want you to do 3 rounds of this WOD. This is intermediate for crossfitters." I soon felt a little weak in the knees...but still confident.

After 2 rounds I was at the end of myself...I wanted to quit. The old Dixi would have stopped, stroking my ego for a job well done, and gone and had a big pepperoni pizza as my reward. The new Dixi, the 3 week old Dixi, couldn't stop. I had to go on! I had to finish. So, with much determination...and TEARS!!!!!, can you believe it? TEARS!!!! I FINISHED!!! In 48 minutes and some seconds I finished. I cried through the entire 3rd round. But, at the end I was strong. I had pushed myself to a place that I had not pushed before. No longer was I judging the tears of those people on TV in their quest for strength and health. I was joining the ranks of people who have the intestinal fortitude to push...push hard...and birth something new...NEW STRENGTH!!!

So, I say all this to say DON'T QUIT your quest! When you find yourself in unfamiliar territory, push it out...be strong and courageous. You can do it! We can do it together. Most of this battle is mental. Be strong in mind and your body will follow. BE CRAZY STRONG!!!

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." Duet. 31:6

Crazy Strong

In the most recent weeks (3 to be exact), I have become a part of a community called Crossfit. Now before you turn off your computer, this is not an advertisement for Crossfit. It is just my story as it relates to the quest of this hot mess. I have learned that unless I am pushing myself to the max that I don't get results. I know what you are thinking, "Dixi, you said you aren't interested in results as they apply to fashion magazines and the false and unattainable images that we see on those covers." Well, you are correct. But, in anything I do, I want...No...NEED a goal. If I am training to be strong, then I want to see results in my abilities. If I am cooking you a meal, I want it to be the best food you have ever put in your mouth. If I am teaching my kids to obey, I want them to obey quickly (like NOW). I saw a saying about crossfit the other day. It said, "YOUR WORKOUT IS OUR WARM-UP!) I am finding out daily the truth in that statement. Look it up and you'll see what I mean. So, yes, I guess I am a little competitive. I want to see myself stronger today than I was yesterday. WHY?

Vince Lombardi said, "If you can accept losing, you can't win." He also said, "the only place SUCCESS comes before WORK is in the dictionary." It's no wonder he went on to lead the Green Bay Packers from a dismal to a force to be reckoned with. When he retired from Green Bay, he had trained and motivated that team to 6 divisional titles, 5 NFL championships, and 2 superbowls (I & II). That team became the standard by which all others would study, follow, and esteem to be.

What does your game day look like? I heard it said recently, firefighters, police officers, the military, MOMS (okay, I added moms), train with crazy intensity because you never know what game day is going to look like. My game day, yesterday, was moving a 10 foot trailer down my backyard hill. What? Why? It's simple and silly. My dog's chain kept getting tangled under the wheels. So then what? MOVE THE TRAILER! So, I picked that thing up, right by the very part that should attach to a truck (ha) and became a human truck. Now...that was a game day I had prepared for these past 3 weeks, I just didn't know it until yesterday.

So, be crazy strong and crazy healthy. It takes time! But, I am 3 weeks stronger and healthier than I was before. AND...I will be stronger and healthier than I am today in 3 more weeks. Quitting is not an option. LIVING is the only option!!! So, be tough and get going! Go pick up a trailer!

"I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. No...I am still not all I should be, But I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God called me, through Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:12-14

New Life New Mess

Well well well!! If you are here reading then you must be really bored! No, I appreciate all 2 of you that will be reading on a regular basis. However, I feel like I should tell you why I chose to start this blog as well as tell you a little about my background and what got me to this state of, what I like to call, a HOT MESS.

Well, you have heard the story time and time again...it's not a new one. I was a very active, athletic kid. Yes, athletic. I danced, did gymnastics, and won just about every dance competition I ever entered. At some point in my life I began moving less and not burning as much energy as my young life had afforded me.

Well now, twenty years later (marriage, 2 kids) and many pounds more, I am on a quest for health and strength. Yes, health and strength...NOT skinny and malnourished. I am on a quest to teach my two children what it means to be beautiful and what it means to be strong. I am on a quest to teach my children that a healthy lifestyle is more important than any image they see on the front of a magazine cover. I am on a quest to show, by my example, that it is okay and necessary to take care of yourself, while serving others at the same time. Also...quitting is never an option.

I blog about my struggle and my quest because, like all of us, I need and desire accountability. Do I enjoy being accountable? Well, no...do I need to be accountable? Absolutely! I am ready to fight the good fight, both physically and spiritually. My desire is to strengthen myself physically, just like I build myself spiritually. I believe Christ's disciples (Paul for example), were spiritually strong and, yes....physically strong, as well.

So, I invite you to join me, if you dare, on my quest. If you are a hot mess and desire to join in the struggle, then come on!!!! You are hereby invited to start a new, today. We'll do it together. If you are already conquering the struggle between being healthy and living everyday life, then come on! We'll also do it together.

This is me...the quest of a hot mess!